Batman To The Rescue?

In the peculiar climate of today’s bloated adult scene, it is imperative to stand out and stay ahead of the pack. The best way to do that is with quality titles, yes, but also with high-profile quality titles. Exclusivity also helps. Success in any industry is truly a complex, intangible formula. That being said, But here are a couple of titles that are creating a hell of a buzz these days.

Touted as damn near one of the biggest celeb sex tapes to ever be released: Kendra Exposed features the hot, reality TV… ok, yeah… we know those details already. The tape was made, supposedly, when the former playboy bunny, now 24-year-old football wife, was 18. Slightly resembling a make-up-less Jenna Jameson or Kagney Linn Karter, Kendra Wilkinson does it all on this tape - one of many in existence, apparently. This sort of hype and mystique is certainly one way to make sure people buy your product.

As for the quality of the sex, well… it’s actually pretty damn hot. The little minx and future Hefner plaything is doe-eyed and kinky all at the same time. Check it out to see what I mean and… decide for yourself if it lives up to the hype!

The parody phenomenon: over-done? Run its course? Scraping the bottom of the barrel? Porn’s salvation? This is an issue that has been on my mind for some time now. The current influx of XXX brand parodies is enough to make one dizzy and sick of the 70’s sitcoms. My personal opinion aside, should porn companies keep pumping these things out or have they beaten it to death already? In the grand scheme of things I’d say, yes. And, absolutely not.

I find myself thinking that yes, it has been overdone. Which is obviously a testament to the creative stagnation rampant in this industry. Then I remember…this is porn, not Hollywood. (Not that tinsel town is known for being all that creative nowadays anyway.) If parodies are helping keep our supposedly dying industry alive then bring on “Greatest American Hero: A XXX Parody”! It certainly makes adult a little more high-profile and undoubtedly broadens the range of people who would consider buying porn. And that’s good. Especially, if the studios can keep getting away with it.

This brings me to Vivid’s Batman XXX: A Porn Parody, Undeniably a highly ambitious attempt to recreate the old school camp with modern XXX weaved in. And it looks like a success. Between the costumes, the sets, the sex, the roster of stars and the original freaking batmobile – this one is a pow-bop-ka-zing homerun!

Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt, Lee Meriwether, Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry. That’s some killer company for the young & lovely Tori Black as she dons the Catwoman cowl. Maybe I’m a little biased, but I think it can safely be said that she is the hottest iteration of the feline heroine/villain. Half thorn in the Bat’s side, half object of his bat-desire. Not just because she’s the only one we’ve actually seen him bang… But because she maintains the camp that made the original versions so fun! Again, maybe I’m a little biased, ha-ha.

Then you’ve got Dale Dabone, fresh from his long sabbatical, picking up the mantel of the Bat, with James Deen at his side as the ever-faithful Robin. Lexi Belle is Batgirl, which is another killer casting decision. Lexi is an all-around knockout in this flick and has the chops to pull it off! Finally, we have the unofficial jesters of porn parody in Randy Spears and Evan Stone as iconic villains the Joker and the Riddler, respectively.

Can Batman & Kendra save the day and rescue this dying industry? No. But that’s because I don’t think it’s really dying - just evolving. And if people want to keep up, they’d better start evolving too. Parodies & celebrity sex tapes seem to be viable ways of keeping people interested - for now. Will this be the final saving grace? Tune in next time to find out!

Pete, Lex and a We-Vibe Too!

Hello,

Sorry for my recent absence. Have been uber-busy and in and out and around and about… but her I am back and ready to do this thing! Today is going to be a quick update/breakdown of all the sales we have going on right now.

Peter North: the man, the legend, the fire hose himself. We’ve got a killer selection of Peter North’s North Pole titles on sale for $15.99! Awesome action and at a hell of a bargain! Tons of hot ladies too: Cassandra Calogera, Keri Sable, Amy Reid, Lela Star, Brooke Haven and many, many more!

Mercenary Pictures: Another legend himself – Lex Steele’s label Mercenary has been pumping out titles like nobody’s business and we’ve got the hottest ones on sale now for $18.99 each. Hot sex, big tits, big dicks and righteous chicks! Shyla Stylez, Katja Kassin, Vanessa Blue, Erika Vution, Aryanna Starr and of course Lexington and his mighty broadsword!

Also, Score, Kick Ass and Suze Randall sales have been extended and pumped full of all-new titles. Get ‘em fore they’re gone!!!

And don’t forget our toy promos! Summer is rapidly approaching, libidos are coming out of hibernation and people are getting married! But, before the big plunge the ladies are having one last blast with Bachelorette parties! In our bangin’ party promo we’ve got everything you’ll need to ensure it’s a hell of a last night out.

Then, for the couple looking to spice it up, we’ve got a handpicked crop of kinky Fetish Fantasy toys from Pipedream! These are the best of the best, the highest-rated and the most affordable whips, chains, gags and cuffs out there. Is your lover not tied up enough for your taste? Change that tonight with AVU and Fetish Fantasy!

Finally, I’ve got a new, wicked little gadget to tell you about! The We-Vibe II is a revolutionary little guy that packs an amazing punch for both lovers pleasure and is worn during coitus! Click this flexible little fella' on and insert just before intercourse and become lost in it’s sensations as it stimulates the clitoris and G-Spot simultaneously!

I say go for broke ladies and gentleman! After you deck-out your Bachelorette party; grab a cuff kit and a We-Vide II and has the greatest honeymoon ever. I mean… presumably only ever have one, ha-ha!

Till next time,

Hank Longhorn

Chicks We Miss!

Hello,

And welcome to the first of what will hopefully be many discussion blogs. I know we don’t get a lot of comments around these parts, but this will hopefully help to change all that.

The first topic I’ve chosen is “Chicks We Miss”. These are girls who came, used their plump, luscious assets to woo us all - then bowed out - leaving us with nothing but drooling memories of hot scenes and amazing sexual acrobatics.

I plundered the obscure depths of my spank bank and came up with a tentative list of 5 or so….

Keri Sable: this sinewy, platinum beauty wowed the XXX world with her young and seductive looks. Added to that was her astounding sexuality, surprising considering her petite stature. This former Wicked Girl embodied the girl next-door persona and left us all craving more, more, more.

Lanny Barby: for me, it’s always been a little tough to pin down exactly what makes Lanny Barby so desirable. Well, aside from her righteous melons, killer body and gorgeous looks. Well, maybe that’s all there is to it. I don’t think so though. There was something intangible about her. A seething essence, an air of do-me-now sexuality. Plus, she always looked like she was having the time of her life. After rising to stardom, and becoming the first Vivid Girl to hail from Montreal, her place in porn history was set forever.

Brianna Love: this young cutie blew the porn world away with her beaming smile, natural looks and an ass to die for. She never really became a “superstar” per say. But she certainly carved out a niche of loyal and horny diehard fans who could not get enough of her famed butt and no-holes-barred sex-capades. Just as willing to take a cock orally or anally – During her time as a Red Light District contract girl, Brianna wowed her adoring public by going all in right from the get-go!

Naomi Russell: speaking of big asses and of girls with an unnamable allure – Naomi worshipped at the alter of latent lewd behavior as the porn public worshipped her in step. Known for that thick, plump rump sultry come-hither eyes and a perfect Californian complexion, Naomi did a ton of work alongside Rocco and we all got to reap the benefits of the pairing. Her pouting lips are immediately recognizable as is her veracious sexuality and wanton lust!

Girl Number 5: I am going to leave open to you guys. What starlet rattled your cage and revved your engine like no other then was gone for good only few years later? Let us know in the comments section below. And if you happen to disagree with any of my choices – or if I missed a particular factoid about these four lovelies – please, let me know.

Thanks for your help on this one,

Hank Longhorn